This is the second post I wrote to help entrepreneurs- both the finalists in the Yahoo Seeds for Success Program as well as The Think Pink Line readers. :

In addition to the negotiation planning process I wrote about earlier, I also offered some suggestions to the Seeds For Success finalists about negotiation process. Among them:

1. Create your business’s “standard” way of doing things and use that as a way to kick off a negotiation. For example, a “Usual Terms and Conditions” one-pager that you can use to describe the ways you do business. This is not to say that you can’t change any or all of these but it can make opening the conversation easier and can keep you on track so that you remember to bring up the things that are important for you to discuss.
2. Choose the method you’ll use to negotiate. Think about the people with whom you will be negotiating and plan a strategy. For example, one of the business owners is planning a trip to China to meet her suppliers in person later this year. While email has had to suffice in the meantime, she wants to build the relationship by spending some time fact to face.
3. Strike the business deal first, then ask your attorney to document it, advising you of the legal issues you should consider. Don’t delegate negotiating the business part of things to your lawyer - that’s not her expertise.

Paying attention to the negotiation process won’t solve all the issues that you’ll be negotiating about, but my experience is that it can certainly help!

This post also appeared on Shine, Yahoo’s new destination site for women.

TAGS: business owners, entrepeneurs, negotiation skills, playing to win, small business

When making a life-changing decision ask at least 3 trusted people for input.

Chelsea Clinton said last night that her mother is her hero. My guess is that hearing those words last night meant more to Hillary than the roar of the crowd at the Democratic National Convention - a lot more.

So what did Hillary Clinton do to win such high praise from her daughter?

• She stayed strong and principled. She showed her daughter that she was not willing to back down on the issues that matter to her.
• She set her sights high. She didn’t apologize for her ambition, demonstrating to her daughter that women should not hide their talents, skills and experience.
• She claimed credit for her contributions. Eighteen million cracks in the glass ceiling is no small feat; Hillary made history and modeled for her daughter that women must be unafraid to take credit for their accomplishments.

I hope I’ve been able to teach my daughter those things as well. What lessons do you think are most important to teach your daughters, nieces or the women you mentor?

TAGS: mentoring, Raising Girls, women role models

In my newspaper column this week, I responded to a 40-year-old mother of four who had just left an abusive husband and whose money problems were so severe she feared she could fall dead of a heart attack from the stress.

Her situation was pretty dire. She made less than $20,000 a year, spent nearly half her take-home pay just on rent, and had yet to finish the night school degree that might give her a shot at better pay.

Sometimes all the cost-cutting in the world isn’t enough. Sometimes you need help, but many people don’t know where to find it. 

If you’re low income and struggling, here are some places to turn:

Govbenefits.gov has an interactive quiz that can identify federal government programs, from food stamps to job training, for which you might qualify. Govbenefits.gov also has a map to help you identify state resources.

HUD Rental Assistance offers help in finding subsidized housing.

Ways to Work offers money for car repairs or purchases for low-income individuals in some counties.

Angel Food Ministries provides groceries worth about $65 for $30.

Low Income Energy Assistance Programs help people with utility bills. Many utilities and phone companies have lower-cost “lifeline” accounts for low-income folks.

Other community resouces to check out include food banks; organizations including the Salvation Army and the Red Cross; and your local church, temple or mosque.

TAGS: food stamps, government benefits, Low income, poverty, rental assistance, utility assistance

Keep in mind the Golden Rule of Management:  He or she who has the gold sets the rules. 

As a Think Pink Line blogger you know I’m a fan of Mrs. O.  So, I was anxious to hear her speech last night.  Well, what can I say?  Once a coach, always a coach.  I thought she did well, but she didn’t hit a home run.  Why?  Because she was over-coached.  Because she read what was on the teleprompter.  Because they coached the fire right out of her (I don’t think TPL blogger Marilyn Z. could call her angry based on that presentation). 

Mrs. O’s speech was well choreographed, she hit on all the points her handlers wanted her to make, but in the process her essence was lost.  The headline of an article in The International Herald Tribune says it all, “The careful rollout of a warmer Michelle Obama.” What a perfect example of women being expected to walk The Thin Pink Line.  Her focus on family and values was great, but she has so much more to say than that — and she usually says it with more gusto.  She faces the same problem Hillary encountered when she became First Lady and that Theresa Heinz Kerry was met with when she spoke at the same convention four years ago.  We want the spouses of our Presidents to be smart, but not too smart.  Passionate, but not too passionate.  And to have opinions but not come across as opinionated.  Come to think of it, that’s what we expect of so many women in the workplace.  And that’s The Thin Pink Line. 

So, what are the lessons we can all learn from Michelle O? 

1. When coached, keep the best of who you are and add to it, don’t subtract.  This is the Golden Rule of coaching.  Always lead with your strengths and add new behaviors that will help you to walk TPL. 
2. Play the game on the field and in bounds, but avoid the middle — that’s not where games are won.  If you receive feedback that you’re too quiet in meetings, don’t go to the extreme of dominating them.  Find 2 - 3 opportunities to give your opinion, affirm what someone else has said, or seek clarification that others need as well.  Going to extremes doesn’t work — for women or  men.  MIchelle played it too safe last night – she had plenty more field to use without being called out. 
3. Be strategic in your communications.  Choose the times when you can let the best of you emerge and when you should exhibit a broader range of communication skills.  The pundits may want a gentler, calmer Michele Obama but this doesn’t mean that’s all she can be.  Just once last night I wanted to see her diverge from the script and utter something totally passionate in true Michelle O. fashion.  I don’t think it would have detracted one bit from her message — in fact I think it would have enhanced it.  Think back to what happened when Hillary got tearful just before the New Hampshire primary.  We liked her even better. 

TAGS: Coaching, Democratic National Convention, International Herald Tribune, Michelle Obama, walking the thin pink line

I received an e-mail from a nineteen year old woman asking how to get the guys in her office to stop treating her like a child.  She said after speaking with them about the problem they seem to have doubled their efforts to keep her in the “nice girl” role.  Whether its co-workers or family members who can’t see that you’ve grown up and deserve to be treated more respectfully, there are a few things you can try that might turn the situation around after you’ve taken the direct route and it hasn’t worked:

1.  Assess your own behavior and be certain you’re not contributing to the problem.  Women sometimes don’t realize when they’re behaving in ways that cause others to treat them like children rather than adult women.  I write about this in Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office.  If you flirt, pout, play with your hair, or sit on your foot in meetings you’re part of the problem.  Whether you’re 19 or 39 be sure that your actions are consistently mature and professional. 

2.  Dress the part.  I’ve said it before (and I’m sure I’ll say it again), dress for the job you want, not the job you have.  Nearly half of your credibility comes from how you look and if you look like a business woman it’s hard to treat you otherwise.  This includes wearing your hair up if you have long flowing locks that tend to make you look more youthful and even wearing a pair of glasses to add maturity to a youthful face. 

3.  Sound the part.  Another 40% of your credibility comes from how you sound.  Choose your words carefully for maximum impact, be an expert on your subject, and avoid minimizing phrases such as kind of, sort of, ya know what I mean.  Express yourself succinctly and assertively.  Again, it’s hard to respond to you as if you were a child when you sound like an expert.

4.  Don’t reinforce the inappropriate behavior of others.  In the case of the woman who wrote to me, she’s spoken with the guys and now it’s time to ignore their efforts to get her goat.  Behavior that isn’t reinforced gets extinguished — eventually. 

5.  Know when it’s time to move on.  When we start our careers with a company at a young age, people often can’t see when we’ve changed.  I’ve seen women go back to school and get degrees only to find their employers don’t recognize their achievements because they continue to think of them as how they were when they started.  Sometimes you just have to start fresh in a new company that will accept you as the mature professional you’ve become.  Now the same is true for family members — they may think of us as the kid sister or precious little girl — and you usually can’t move on from them.  In this case, revert to tip #4 and don’t let their treatment keep you from achieving your goals.

TAGS: being treated like a little girl, getting the respect you deserve

When people come into your office, stop what you’re doing and pay attention.  If what you’re doing is so important that you can’t stop, say so and ask them to return at a specific time indicating that you want to give them the attention they deserve.

Lois and I are both serving as mentors for the three finalists in the Yahoo Seeds for Success Program - how much fun it is to talk with such enterprising, energetic women!

Each of the entrepreneurs I spoke with was very clear about the myriad of opportunities to negotiate ─ with suppliers, service providers, independent contractors and, of course, customers and prospective customers.

For these three businesses as well as every other start-up I know though, when it comes to negotiation, it can seem as though it’s a clear case of David v. Goliath. So the question is:

How do you negotiate effectively when the other party has more leverage? (more…)

TAGS: business owners, entrepeneurs, negotiation skills, playing to win, small business

Before making a final decision consider 3 - 5 ways it could positively and negatively impact others.